25 Noel Road: a genius like us by Carlos Be, scene 1

KEN: They put us in the same urn. Joe. And me. We were just ashes mixed together. But not half and half. There was more of Joe. The funeral service made a balls up. Instead of putting one spoonful of him, then one of me, they lost count. Even in death he had to be more than me.

They scattered our ashes in the Golders Green Gardens, quite a dreary spot, truth be told. There were two separate funerals. Loads of people went to Joe’s: writers, famous actors, the press... They cried over him and recited poetry... They even wrote him an elegy. And they played his favourite song, "A Day in the Life". Only four people went to my funeral. And no song was played. Because nobody knew my tastes. Nobody except Joe.

I suppose none of this should bother me. In fact, before we even got to the crematorium, Joe and I had long gone. We were in hell... Yes, both of us. Me for the murder I’d committed. And he for the just rewards of a whole life.

My little hell... I even had to share my little hell with someone who had hurt me so much in life; if you can call it life, after what I suffered. It’d be better to describe it as a living death. The life of a zombie. The first thing Joe asked me when he got to hell was how he had died. I lied to him. I didn't tell him that it was me who bashed his head in with a hammer, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine times. I lied to him. But if he knew I was lying, he didn't say anything. He just waltzed off with his hands in his pockets, whistling his favourite song.

–Wait for me!
–You follow me.


Yes, I followed him... With my head hanging down, but knowing the truth, it was me who killed him. Yes, me, his lover, his murderer... And his victim. Yes, I followed him with my head hanging low and with no tune to whistle because nobody had played my favourite song at the funeral, because nobody knew my tastes.

Nobody except Joe.

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